


To Forget

by oakleaf_bearer



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, M/M, Memory Loss, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:13:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24151123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oakleaf_bearer/pseuds/oakleaf_bearer
Summary: simon wakes up with no memory of loving baz or the last year of their life.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 34
Kudos: 166





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is going to be a bit longer than my usual fics and but the chapters are probably going to be a bit shorter 
> 
> all un-betad so any feedback is greatly appreciated

**Baz**

Simon Snow is beautiful, especially when he's asleep. He looks peaceful, with his hair spread out on the pillow, the shiny golden curls making a halo around his head. His breathing is steady and slow, and I've never been more in love in my life. 

I roll out of bed as quietly as possible to not disturb him. Bunce is sitting on the sofa reading, and she waves at me as I leave our bedroom. I mouth 'Eggs?' at her as I go past and she nods. 

In the kitchen, I fish several eggs out of the bowl and crack them into a pan. I flick the kettle on to boil, and pull some mugs out the cupboard, trying to be as quiet as possible. This is supposed to be a surprise. 

When the eggs are ready, I tip them out onto three plates, putting two onto a tray and leaving the other for Bunce. 

I take the tray to our room. Inside, I put it on top of the dresser and turn to Simon. 

He's still curled on his side and my heart does this little flip jump thing when I look at him. I kneel gently on the edge of the bed and brush a strand of hair out of his face. 

He stirs at the touch. 

Softly, I lean forward and kiss his cheek. 

"Wake up, love." I whisper. His eyes flutter open and he blinks at me, frowning. "Happy Anniversary." 

I lean forward to kiss him again, but his hands suddenly come up in front of his face. 

He looks confused, and it almost makes me laugh. He has said he wouldn't forget it, but I knew he would. 

I can tell he's still groggy from sleep. He's staring around our room like he doesn't recognise it, and there's a little crease in between his eyebrows where he's frowning. 

His tail is swishing gently at his side and his eyes catch on the movement. 

He jolts upright. 

"What the _fuck_?" He sounds panicked. "What did you do to me?"

His wings start flapping aggressively. They knock against the bedside table; the things on top scatter onto the ground. 

"Where are we Baz? Have you kidnapped me?" 

The door flys open and Bunce skids into the room. 

"I heard shouting, is everything okay?"

Simon points at me and splutters something about plotting, but I don't hear it. 

I feel sick. Something isn't right. _Simon_ isn't right. 

He's gone quiet and now he's just staring at the two of us. Bunce isn't moving from by the door. 

The room feels too quiet and too small. 

Simon breaks the silence. 

"What's going on?" 

Bunce jumps into action. She comes around the side of the bed and shoos me away. I step back, feeling helpless. 

"What's the last thing you remember?" 

Simon shakes his head. "The first week back at school. Baz wasn't there and you didn't believe me that he was plotting something."

He stares up at me, big stupid blue eyes gazing up at me in a way that makes me stomach twist. 

"That's it?" I almost don't trust myself to speak. 

He nods. 

"Simon," Penny takes his hand. "That was over a year ago." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this isn't very good, my phone deleted my first draft so i tried my best 
> 
> the next chapter is much better so look for that soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this isn't very good, my phone deleted my first draft so i had to rewrite it all
> 
> the next chapter is much better, so look for that soon

**Penny**

The Golden Rule of Simon Snow is 'never tell him anything heavy without first feeding him'. 

In light of this, he's devoured both plates of eggs. 

He's calmed down a lot, which is more than I can say for Baz. He's been pacing for the last hour. 

Simon didn't take the whole 'hes not trying to kill you, he's your boyfriend' thing as badly as expected. He just sort of stared at Baz confused and said "But he's a bloke" a lot. 

I try to fill Simon in on as much as possible. We talk until pretty late. Baz orders pizza. 

Simon starts to ask why Baz knew his order, but then stops himself. He jams a whole slice into his mouth and gestures for me to carry on. 

Eventually, I run out of stuff to say and I just sort of trail off. There's no casual way of saying 'and that's what you missed from the last year and a half', so I just excuse myself with the pretence of looking for a solution to this whole situation. I give Baz what I hope is an encouraging pat on the arm as I go past him. 

**Simon**

After Penny goes, I feel sort of awkward just sitting there. 

Baz is fishing through the chest of draws and I watch him carefully. He is sort of good looking, I guess. He's got nice legs and his shoulders look alright where they're moving under his shirt. 

He stands and I see he's holding a blanket. 

"What's that for?" 

"I'm not going to smother you with it if that's what you're worried about, Snow." He shoots me a look that I would be withering if he didn't look so tired. "I'm going to sleep on the sofa tonight." 

"Why?" 

Baz doesn't answer, he just crosses the room to the other side of the bed and takes the pillow. He turns to leave but pauses by the door. "Snow, if you need anything, I'll just be out here." 

I don't know why that's comforting, but it is.

"Why do you call me that?" 

He frowns. 

"Why do you call me Snow? If we are..." saying it feels weird," you know, why not call me Simon?" 

He stares at me, an intense look on his face. It's almost scary. I think he might try to eat me. 

"Simon." 

His voice is barely a whisper and then he's gone, shutting the door behind him. 

I roll over and pull the covers over my head. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> simon has some questions

**Baz**

I'm awake and reading the newspaper on Christmas Eve before Snow emerges from our room. He's got dressed and he looks less disheveled than yesterday, but still unfairly attractive considering he spent over 24 hours sitting in bed. 

He grins at me. "What, no eggs today?" 

I grimace at him. "Make them yourself." 

"I don't know how." 

"Yes you do." 

"How do you know?" 

"Because I taught you." He grins wider. 

I freeze. 

This feels unfair. It's too familiar and too easy, but I have to restrain myself. Usually, I would go and kiss that grin off his face. He would kiss me back until I was breathless and then tell me to make breakfast while he showers. 

Today, he vanishes into the kitchen and I can hear him rifling through the cupboards. I sigh and stand. I lean against the doorframe and watch him locate a bowl and some cereal. It's the overly sugary stuff he likes. He fishes some out of the box and stuffs it into his mouth. 

He sees me watching him and holds the box towards me. 

I shake my head at him. He shrugs and tips some into the bowl. 

After breakfast, he spends the day poking around the flat. I try not to watch him, but he is so very distracting and I'm only human. Mostly human. 

He keeps pointing to things and asking about them. Having to explain the meaning behind them all without Simon having the context of almost two years of our relationship hurts. 

Penny eventually appears and I thank Merlin, Morgana, and every other magical being I can think of for small mercies. 

"When are you leaving?" I ask. She's supposed to be going home to her family for Christmas. 

She shakes her head. "Not going. I phoned my Mum and explained everything. She said she's look through her stuff but that I should stay here and keep an eye on him." 

I'm actually relieved. I don't know how I would've handled being here with Simon alone without being able to touch him or hold him or kiss him. 

"What's for lunch?" Simon's leaning against the wall looking like a sin. 

"I'll run down to the shop and get something." Penny takes her coat off the hook by the door. "Fancy anything?" 

'Simon', I nearly say. 

"Bread." I actually say. 

She waves goodbye and then suddenly we are alone. 

Simon drops down on the sofa next to me. He leans his head back and stares at me. I try to pretend I don't see him. 

"So.." 

I sigh and shut my book. 

"So." 

He grins and repositions himself on the sofa so that he's facing me. His knees are almost knocking against my thighs. I could just reach out....

"Tell me about us." 

I just blink at him. "What?" 

"Us. You know. Our..." He waves his hand at me. "relationship." 

Crowley, he's insufferable."What do you want to know?" 

"Why did we decide to start dating?"

"You kissed me in a burning forest and then had a sexuality crisis sitting on my bedroom floor." 

"I kissed you?" He sounds surprised. 

"What, don't you think you have it in you?" This feels too close to flirting. 

"I don't know. Depends, I guess." 

"Trust me, it wasn't expected." 

"But it wasn't unpleasant?" 

I fix him with a look. "No, Snow. Not unpleasant." 

"Good." He looks pleased with himself. "To think, it was so easy to get you to back off. I should have tried that years ago." 

I choke on a breath. 

"So, I kissed you, and then what? We started dating?" 

"Not straight away. I took a bit of convincing that you weren't just going to run off and leave me behind." 

He shrinks back from me slightly. "I wouldn't do that." 

"I know you wouldn't. I just got caught up in my own head. It all felt too good to be true. The guy I wanted for so long finally stopped being the most oblivious man on the planet and I just didn't want to lose him." 

Simon perks up. "For so long? How long?" 

"Shut up, Snow." 

"How long?" 

"Get lost."

"Baz."

"Simon-"

He jumps up from the sofa, gleefully. It startles me so much I knock one of the pillows of the sofa. "You did it again!" 

"Crowley, Snow, some warning next time." 

"You called me Simon," He says, leaning close to me. "Do it again." 

My stomach drops as I remember this exact scenario two years ago, with him leaning close and telling me to call him Simon and me obliging and being rewarded with one of the best kisses of my life. 

I push myself up from the sofa and away from him before I do something I regret. 

"I need to have a shower. Bunce will be back soon."

"Wait, what's wrong?" 

"Nothings wrong, Snow. I just need a shower." 

Before he can respond I shut myself in the bathroom and lock the door. I run the shower and get in, sitting under the water still fully dressed. I can spell them dry later. Or not. I don't care. The love of my goddamn life doesn't remember loving me so what's even the damned point of anything. 

Some of the streaks of water running down my face slip between my lips. If they taste salty, I pretend not to notice. 

I spend the rest of the day avoiding Simon as much as possible. Which isn't much considering the flat is in central London, and thus tiny. Luckily, Penny takes up most of his attention. She pokes and prods him with various magical artefacts and makes notes in the notebook I got her for her birthday. 

I sleep on the sofa again. Penny orders us to set alarms so that we wake up early enough to open presents tomorrow. I'd almost forgotten about Christmas morning. The curse of having our anniversary weekend on the same one as a major holiday was that one often overshadowed the other. We were supposed to spend the day just the two of us watching trashy Normal films and stuffing ourselves full of chocolate, but that plans out the window now. I don't even know if I should give Snow my present to him. 

I shrug it off and decide it's a problem for tomorrow and curl up under my blanket to go to sleep and try not to think about boys with bronze curls and blue eyes. 

I hear the door to our bedroom open. 

"Baz?" If I don't move he might think I'm still asleep. "I know you're awake." 

Shit. 

I sit up and stare at him over the back of the sofa. "What, Snow?" 

He fidgets. He's illuminated only by the glow of the streetlights outside. It gives him an eerie, otherworldly quality. His fingers bother the hem of his shirt. _My_ shirt, I realise. He's wearing some of my pyjamas.

"I just...." He trails off. Uncertainty creeps under my skin. Is this how it ends? Not with a bang, but with a whimper? In the dead quiet of Christmas morning with my heart ripped out of my chest by a man who doesn't even remember why it kills me? 

Suddenly, his shoulders square and he stands straighter. He crosses the room with a purposeful stride and crouches in front of me. 

He's hesitant again. The confidence gone. 

He reaches out to me with unsteady fingers. He brushes against my cheek. My hair. His hand is wrapped around the back of my neck. 

Simon kisses me.

It's just like the first time. His mouth is hot and he's kissing me like he knows what he's doing (which he does, Crowley does Simon know what he's doing with his mouth). He's leaning into me and I let him push me back against the sofa. My hand finds it's way into his hair. I take a handful and tug slightly and he _moans._

He pulls away, putting as much distance between us as possible. He stares at me, chest heaving, hair thoroughly messy, lips shiny. 

Then, as quickly as he appeared, he's gone again, vanishing back into our room. 

The words "Merry Christmas, Baz" linger in the air where he just stood. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel way better about this chapter than i have about the last two 
> 
> come find me on tumblr  
> @oakleaf--bearer


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i understand that this fic is the worst thing i've ever written but i'm enjoying it, sue me

**Simon**

I don't know why I kissed him. 

I think I wanted to. I'm certain he wanted me to. 

I don't know if I'm gay. I guess I am. If I've been dating Baz for two years then that probably means I am. 

Right? 

I mean, he's pretty fit. He's less lanky than he was in school and it just makes him look more impressive. Like he's stronger. I mean, he's always been strong, but now he fits into his own limbs properly. 

I don't know if the thing about vampires being eternal beautiful is real, but Baz is definitely good looking. 

And definitely a vampire. 

Called it. 

Christmas Day is weird. It doesn't feel like Christmas (probably because September was only a few days ago for me). Penny hands out the presents. There's one from her and one from Baz. He doesn't meet my eyes as I tear off the coloured paper. 

Inside there's a box of very fancy chocolates and an envelope. Inside the envelope are two tickets to a history festival. 

I look up at him, frowning. 

He finally looks at me. "When we were in America, we went to a ren faire. You loved it. It's not quite the same, but I thought it would be fun. I got us a cottage there for the weekend." 

"Oh." This feels weirdly personal. Like I'm stealing this version of Baz from his version of Simon. The version of Simon that would open this and say 'Wow, you remembered?' and probably kiss him without running away afterward. "Uhh, thanks."

"Penny, am I an idiot?" 

"Yes." She says. "What's bought this on?"

I'm sprawled back on her bed. Baz is in the kitchen on the phone with his family. I can't help but wonder if he's told them about me. 

"I kissed Baz." 

"Okay." 

I push myself up on my elbows and glare at her. "That it? No 'what are you thinking, Simon? Are you an idiot, Simon?' You don't think it's weird?" 

Penny sighs and sits on the bed next to me. "Simon, I've lived with you two for almost a year and a half. I've seen worse. Much worse." 

"You mean.." 

"Yes, Simon."

"Shit." I say. "Sorry."

She kicks my shin gently. "You've already apologised." She lies back. "How do you feel?" 

I flop down next to her. Our shoulders bump and it feels comfortable and familiar. "I don't know. I think it was a good kiss? Nicer than kissing Agatha, definitely." 

"You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard you say that." 

I laugh. Penny takes my hand and holds it up in the air in front of us. 

" **An elephant never forgets**." She says. "Anything?" 

"Nothing." I sigh. "What if nothing ever works?" 

She rolls over and half lays on top of me. "Then we will work it out, Simon. What are you going to do about Baz?" 

"I don't know." I admit. "I guess I'll work it out." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 5 is where things start going a bit better ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Baz**

I'm getting ready for bed in the bathroom when Snow appears behind me. He leans against the doorframe, trying to look nonchalant. He's failing. 

"What are you doing?" 

I watch his reflection in the mirror. "What does it look like, Snow? I'm brushing my teeth." 

"Right." 

I shake my head and look away from him. Being near him hurts. Pushing him away seemed like a good idea at first but it's difficult to get rid of him. He's persistent. 

I wash my mouth out and turn to leave the bathroom when he's suddenly in my space. 

His hands are in my hair and he's pushing my back into the sink. He's not kissing me. He's just breathing in my air and holding me close. 

"Baz.." I feel his breath against my cheek. 

I break. 

I surge forward and kiss him. 

Simon gasps into my mouth and kisses me back. 

He takes handfuls of my hair and tugs lightly and I feel my knees buckle. 

One arm goes around my waist as he catches me and presses me harder against the sink. 

I drop a hand to his waist and slip it under the hem of his shirt. He tenses but doesn't stop kissing me. 

His tongue slips into my mouth and I think I'm going to die. 

I'm drowning. My head slipping under and my lungs are filling with water. I'm way out to sea and quickly losing sight of land and I don't care. 

I don't care about anything so long as Simon keeps kissing me. 

"Baz-" He breathes against my mouth.

I kiss along his jawline. I've been so damn patient and now I don't want to miss my chance. 

"Baz-"

His hands are at my collar and he's working the first button of my shirt open. I slip my hand fully under his shirt and splay my fingers against his back. 

"Baz!" 

His voice finally breaks through the haze in my head and I pull back sharply. As sharply as I can when Simon has me pinned to the countertop. 

I'm breathing so heavily I don't trust myself to speak. 

"Don't sleep on the sofa tonight." 

"Okay," I say 

My legs feel weak. When he steps away from me I almost collapse, but he tugs my hand towards the door. 

In our room, his forceful confidence falters. He hesitates, pausing just inside the door. 

I take his face in my hands and kiss him softly. 

"What do you need from me, Simon?" 

He stares back at me, wide eyed, lips glossy and red. 

"Tell me." I want to get down on my knees and beg. I want to know what I can do for him. I want to know what he needs. 

He wraps his fingers around mine. 

"Just...." His voice is quiet. "Sit down." 

I sit at the edge of the bed. His fingers trail across my shoulder. "Lay back, Baz." 

I do. He's standing above me, illuminated by the dim lamplight. 

Simon kneels on the bed, his knees bracketing my thighs. The tips of his fingers brush against my chest as he unbuttons the rest of my pyjama shirt. The last one gets stuck and he tugs at it, frustrated. I move to help him and our fingers meet. The sensation sends tiny sparks down my arms. He glances up and meets my eyes and I feel myself grin. He grins back and I feel the world slot back into place. 

He runs his hands across my chest, tracing the lines of my stomach. 

I hear him mutter "Fuck" under his breath. 

I try to stay as still as possible, but when his fingers brush down my ribcage, I jolt a bit. 

He instantly pulls back, apologising. 

"It's okay, Simon." I grab his hand to stop him going too far away. "I'm just a bit ticklish." 

He grins lopsidedly. "You're ticklish?"

I nod as best I can while laying down. He loops his fingers through mine and moves out hands to rest on the pillow above my head. He reaches out his other hand and trails his other hand down my ribcage again. He brushes his nails so lightly against my skin that I think I'm imagining it. 

I swat away his hand. "You're a demon." I say, my voice breathy with laughter. 

"You love it." 

He stills. I don't think he meant to say it. I love at his face and his eyes have a panicked look to them. 

"Hey." I slip my hand into his curls. "It's alright." 

"But it's true though, isn't it?" I can feel him retreating into himself. "You love me." 

He says it so matter-of-factly, clinically and distant. I simply nod. 

He swears again. "Baz, I'm so sorry." 

I tug at his curls. "It's okay, Simon." 

"It isn't though, is it? It's so unfair to you. You love me. How can you not hate that I don't remember that? How can you not hate me?" 

"I pretended to hate you for so long, Simon. I accepted a long, long time ago that you would be the death of me, but I could never hate you." He stares at me, blue eyes wide. "Having part of you is better than none of you. If this is all I get for the rest of my life, then that's okay." 

"If I never got my memory back, you would still be here?" 

"For as long as you would let me." 

He leans forward and kisses me gently on my cheek. 

"Stay." He whispers. 

I do. We spend the night with our legs tangled together, faces inches apart. I wake up the next day with the sunlight coming in through the cracks in the blinds and Simon's breath hot on my neck and suddenly, I think we are going to be okay. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)  
> the thrilling conclusion

**Simon**

I wake up to Baz stroking my hair. His delicate fingers are brushing strands out of my face and he's whispering things under his breath. 

This feels safe. 

"I'm glad we don't hate each other anymore." I can feel how scratchy my voice is. 

His chest shakes under my head. "So am I, Simon."

"And I'm glad you call me Simon now."

More rumble of laughter. 

"Let's do something." 

He looks down his nose at me. "Like what?" 

"I don't know. Something relationshipy." I shift myself up to rest my chin on his chest. "A date." 

"Today?"

"Yeah." I say. "I'll cook us something." 

"You'll cook?" He sounds doubtful. It makes me laugh. 

"I'll try." 

He hums and slides an arm under my back. Gently, he rolls us so he can prop himself up on his elbows above me. 

From this angle, the shadows catch on his cheekbones, making them look more angular and sharp. It turns him into a stereotype from an old monster movie. All he needs is his fangs, and he's set. 

He peers down at me. After a long time, he says, "Very well, Simon. You can cook." 

"Remind me why I'm helping you?" Penny drops a box of cereal into my basket. I take it out and swap it for a more sugary one. 

"Because I'm your best friend and you want me to be happy." I remind her. "And also because I cant drive and I didn't want to take the bus."

"You're the worst." 

"So I've been told." 

Penny hums thoughtfully. When I told her my plan to cook for Baz she called me an idiot, then lovesick, then a lovesick idiot. She only agreed to drive me to the shops after I threatened to steal her keys and drive myself. (Apparently I know how to drive. Baz said he taught me. I was hoping it would be like riding a bike and that it would just come back to me. Penny didn't want to risk it.) 

"What about pasta?"

"I don't know, does Baz like pasta?" 

Penny sighs. "If you make it, Baz will eat it." 

"Yeah, but I want him to like it." 

She fixes me with a look. "Why are you doing this, Simon?" 

I take a packet of rice off the shelf. "I feel bad. I know that Baz loves me, and I know I love him back, but I don't remember it. I know he wants things from me, but I don't know how to give him them. I feel like I owe him something and I hate that. I hate seeing how hurt he is because he pretends he's not, but he really is. I feel like I've taken advantage of him, and I feel sick thinking that I'm stealing him from his version of me. 

'I just want to do something nice for him. To, I don't know, prove that I'm not just using him. To prove that I actually do care. When you told me that I had been dating him for the past two years, I felt like I finally understood something about myself. I guess I was obsessed with Baz all that time because I liked him, and I just didn't know it. The second a different option than just hating him came up, I wanted to break the cycle." 

Penny is quiet for a long time. She just stares at me, letting the tinny sound of the shop radio fill the space around us. 

"That was shockingly eloquent, Simon. I'm impressed." 

"Thanks." I mumble. "Good to know." 

"Come on. Let's finish shopping, and then you can go say all of that to Baz." 

Penny shoos me into the kitchen when we get back. She says something about 'preheating' and 'prep' and some other things that I don't know. 

I start unloading the bags, emptying them onto the counters. 

I've just fished out the bottle of wine I got (Penny chose it, I know nothing about wine) when I hear movement in the doorway behind me, and I hear Baz's voice say "Hey," 

I turn to look at him. 

He looks so normal. Normal, with a capital N. He's dressed in a t-shirt that I'm almost certain is mine and a pair of jeans. 

The wine slips from my hand and shatters on the tile. 

**Baz**

"Baz," He says. "you're wearing jeans."

"Bloody hell, Simon." I kick a small piece of glass away from me. "You're a vandal." 

"You're wearing _jeans_." He repeats, gaping at me. 

"Excellent observation skills, Snow. Pass me the broom." 

He steps towards me. 

"Christmas, two years ago. You invited me go your house. I said no, but then I changed my mind and showed up anyway. You were wearing jeans." 

Fuck. 

"Simon," 

Fucking hell. 

He's moving closer to me. "We went to try and find a lead on who killed your mum. We went to a vampire bar. You got upset." He's close, caging me against the countertop. "You set a forest on fire just to avoid talking about your feelings." Our knees bump. "You tried to push me away and I kissed you to get you to shut up."

" _Simon_ ," 

**Simon**

I remember, I remember, I _remember._

It doesn't all come flooding back. Not in one massive wave. It just like I never forgot at all. 

**Baz**

Simon is kissing me hard. Between kisses he keeps mumbling things that I can't quite make out. 

**Simon**

I know I'm saying things, but I don't quite know what. 

I think I'm telling him I love him. Because I do. 

I love Baz Pitch. 

**Baz**

Crowley, I love him. 

I love Simon Snow. 

**Simon**

I don't just love Baz when I'm kissing him. I love him every second of every day. When I'm right next to him, I get lost in his presence, drunk on his energy and his stupid bloody face. When we are apart, I think I could burst from missing him. 

I don't feel whole without him. He completes me. 

**Baz**

I can feel Simon's heartbeat under my fingers. His cheeks are wet and I think mine are too. He pulls back and wraps his arms around my shoulders. I embrace him back, letting myself hold him as tightly as I've wanted to for days now. 

**Simon**

Baz is so strong it almost hurts, but I don't care. I have him back. 

His mother, the Humdrum, America. 

I have it all back. 

**Baz**

Simon's shoulders are shaking and I think he's sobbing. I know I am. 

He pulls back slightly to bump his forehead into mine and I realise he's laughing. 

"Baz, I'm so sorry." 

"Shh," I whisper back. "Don't." 

"I am. If it was the other way around I wouldn't have known what to do." 

"You would've worked something out." 

"I would've tried. But this would've killed me. Not being near you sucks enough, but to be near you and to not properly have you would've hurt too much."

"Simon," I take his face between my hands and make him look at me. "I told you I would stay for as long as you needed me. That's was all for selfish reasons. I wouldn't have survived you sending me away. For so long, you were the only thing keeping me going. The knowledge that it was my destiny to die by your hands. I had resigned myself to that fate because it meant that even for a moment, you would've looked at me and actually seen me. If bleeding out in your arms was all I could have, I would've settled for that. You are my everything. You see me. Better than anyone else. To see you looking at me and not seeing me again was the worst feeling ever." 

He kisses me again, soft and sweet. I can feel him smiling under my lips and I smile back. 

Everything is okay again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might add a mini epilogue after this bc i love writing penny so much


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is just a mini epilogue bc apparently penny has to suffer in all of my fics  
> poor girl  
> i promise i do love her

**Penny**

"I leave you two alone for 5 minutes and you wreck the kitchen and decide to make out." They start at my voice, and Simon jumps back from Baz. "You're insatiable." 

"Penny," Simon's voice quavers with joy. "I remember." 

I look between them. Baz is smiling more than I've ever seen him smile, and his fingers are digging into Simon's waist. 

"You're serious?" 

Simon nodds. 

"Do you know what triggered it? Was it a spell? An enchantment? Did Baz do something?" 

"Well," Simon hums, "Sort of." 

Baz chuckles and buries his face in Simon's neck. Simon shushes him, grinning. 

My eyes narrow as I take them in. It's reminding me a lot of when we first got the flat and keeping them off each other was much harder. Especially when Baz...

"Oh for goodness sake," I shout. "You got your memories back because Baz wore jeans, didn't you?" 

Simon cackles. 

"I cast a dozen spells, try everything I know, phone my mum to see if she has any ideas, and this whole time, all you needed was to see Baz's thighs in some jeans." I hit Simon's arm. "You're the worst. I hate you." 

I hear Simon shout after me as I'm leaving, "Love you too, Penny!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this fic has been really fun, so i'm just gonna take a sec to say thank you 
> 
> over the course of this fic, i've felt my writing improve. i've felt myself getting better. i found my footing and how i like writing. i've proved to myself that i can write a slightly longer story instead of the one shots i'm used to. 
> 
> i wouldn't have been able to finish this fic without all the people who left comments and kudos and bookmarks. those people kept me motivated. they proved that people do actually want to read what i write. it's deeply heartwarming to read everything you guys say, and i can't express how much it means to me 
> 
> thank you so much xxx  
> see you all in the next fic


End file.
